My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize