She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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