i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
