her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
