Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
