Ketchup is God's man juice
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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