I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
