my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
