my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
