All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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