My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize