i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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