She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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