Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
