I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
