We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
