It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
