i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
