He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
