70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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