its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
