dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
