Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
