I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
