not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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