lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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