Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
