Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
