I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's the barista slut.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
