He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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