i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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