I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
