found the other keg... it's in the tree
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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