Walk of Shame. In a state park.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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