I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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