i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize