did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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