im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
