your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You made out with two different species that night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
