theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
