Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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