the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
