he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me I should be a condom model.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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