Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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