They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
