I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
