My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
