Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
