can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
