is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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