so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
