he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
