I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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