We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
