If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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