You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
