i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
