Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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