Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
