just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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