Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
