Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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