Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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