I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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