Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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