Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
