dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
