$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
