I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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