You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize