then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
