Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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